You Can’t Be Everything to Everyone

for those who read Why I Did What I Did and got the impression that i hated my job so much that i had to leave and let go: i loved my job, i did.

i loved teaching, loved grading essays with my red pen, loved doing research, more than life. i was born (and designed) to do it.

loved my students to death. loved cutting classes (my own) for ice cream and pizza, movies at the mall, shopping, driving them downtown to get the newest iphone… (sound like a bad teacher here).

i know some of you are here, read things you shouldn’t. but please know that i do

love you nadiyya (learned so much about patience and acceptance from you my dearest, thank you), ayas (let’s gossip tonight, yes?), amanda (had to let you go for your own good), monica (rip. thinking of you everyday my sweets), min (saw you won that award, it was on the news, proud of you! missed our late night sessions editing manuscripts), mattie (be careful with those racy pics!), morena (you’re way prettier and smarter that you’d like to think), gif (your tenderness inspired me), ols (driving at four a. m. with you on the phone to keep me awake, yes i remember), bimo (didn’t know you that well but would let you sleep in my class anytime, george orwell, boringg right?), nico (sorry for not having that dinner, wish i said okay let’s go do that), susie and thia (sorry for being MIA, it’s not you it’s me), class 2011 my fave (sorry 2012 2013! and the rest 🤷🏻‍♀️ kidding!) proud of you venon, shelly, amelia (both), everybody who thought they wouldn’t get through the years, you did it!

i cannot stress this enough: i loved my job and almost everything about it.

what i didn’t love and drove me to the particularly tough decision: the office politics, the pettiness and arrogance of the whole institution, abuse to students and human rights in general, daily sexual harassment, toxic work environment that killed my soul.

bit by bit everyday i was made less human, i was made petty too. i got stabbed in the back so many times i started stabbing back, and oh boy did i learn from the best. it turned me evil, a monster, which i wasn’t, not really.

so i left. sorry i failed you lovelies. some of you cried when i didn’t even look back, not so much as a glance.

there have been things said about me and i’m leaving them behind.

you wanted me to be everything but i couldn’t be everything.

“… my favourite teacher of all time…” 🖤

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